Shattered Heart.

I cannot imagine the pain he is enduring now. trying to get some shut eye without any painkillers.
Max went through the operation bravely. I am proud to say I DID NOT WALK AWAY and stood by him throughout the operation. Well, ok...90% of it. I almost fainted when the Doc was almost done. Too much blood and too much heartache I guess.
Was having some convo with the Doc when I realized I was feeling really nausea. Then I could see him speaking to me but I was slowly losing him. My eyes were blurry and there were moments of pitch black on and off. When I couldn't feel my legs any longer and started to grip the table, the Doc knew and immediately yelled his assistant for help. Thank Heavens I didn't collapse. Would have had a real hard knock then. 
After Max was done, the Doc placed him on the floor near me. Besides being only 30% conscious of what the hell was happening, he still struggled his way by dragging himself beside me and rested his head on my leg. As if knowing I am not feeling well, wanting to comfort me. I fought back my tears HARD.

I skipped lunch too due to again...heartaches and well, more heartaches. He was so fragile when I carried him back home. Couldn't even lift up his head never mind standing up.

I threw everything aside and sat beside him for 6 hours straight in the garden. Without food, fan or water...until he regained his consciousness.

My poor...poor baby. I cannot help but to hold him so tightly and apologize for everything. Guilt haunts they say. Sigh. This is really a very painful and tear-jerking phase for both of us. I'm really REALLY praying hard for the soreness and aching to heal soon.